American Grief

I have yet to deal with the event of losing a loved one whether a parent, grandparent, sibling, or friend due to death. Because of this I can’t help but feel uncomfortable when trying to comfort a friend or roommate after they have experienced a similar tragedy. I have always sensed that my uneasy feelings leave me in limbo on knowing what exactly I should say and to how far of an extent I should comfort them. Recently though, after reading The Historical Transformation of American Grief by Peter N. Stearns I can’t help but wonder if it’s a lack of knowing how to act on my part or a lack of apathy toward the other persons emotions. Stearns states “awareness of new grief rules spread, making some people comfortable with relatively little show of outward sorrow and causing others to question or criticize their own reactions.” Do we as a 21^st century society purposely try to conceal our true emotions regarding grief because we don’t believe others actually care about our own well-being? Honestly, I feel as if members of our society have become so selfish regarding their own needs and personal lives that they have lost the ability to care for other’s welfare. Would I actually lose my uncomfortable feelings and for once know what to say to a friend after his grandpa passes away if I experienced the death of grandpa tomorrow? I would like to think that I would but I can’t help but second guess my possible sense of disinterest. I would only admit this if I didn’t think I was the only one who expressed these thoughts. I feel awful about even wondering this but I blame our culture and our expected everyday selfish tendencies. I am not the only one who wonders about this as well I’m sure.